Emotional Meltdown
I’ve had a hard past week and I didn’t really see it coming. I thought I had moved on after the death of my husband, but this past weekend marked three years and I was pretty much a mess. No matter what anyone did, it just wasn’t enough. And now I feel bad.
First my sister in law called to inform me that her granddaughter was being baptized, but her son relies on her to do too much and assumed she had gotten ahold of me. It’s his daughter and he needs to grow up and take on adult responsibilities.
I had to set up an expo Saturday, and w/ it being Leaf Season…we have those in the midwest…where the leaves turn colors before falling off…and the turnout was not good.
JD and I went out for dinner and a couple drinks and he pretty much ignored me the whole time we sat there. College football was on. Then he made a comment about bringing along his PSP and I informed him that wasn’t allowed when we were on a date. He used to be such a hands-on guy…you know, a hand on the thigh, arm across the back of the chair, etc. NOTHING Saturday night. And it hurt so bad. It was one of the things that attracted me to him was that he wasn’t afraid of PDA. I told him it’s hard to compete w/ football and video games. I’m working 60 fricken hours a week and I went on a date w/ a back and a pair of shoulders. Should’ve just put the damn pj’s on and curled up on the couch.
Sunday I worked and he tried to get some answers out of me, but it’s hard to talk when you’re on the verge of a meltdown. This is the first time in 2 1/2 yrs that I felt so distant from him. I didn’t like it. Before bed I could have cried myself a river, but I held on. I probably would have felt better, but then there would be more questions why I’m like this.
Today I just wanted to stay home from work and get caught up on stuff. I do feel a sick day coming on.
I love my family so much, and I know things change over time, but when something good comes to an end its hard for me. People see me as being so strong, but I cover up more than I realize.
Thank God For All You Have and realize that is How It Is.
Myrtle
