I Miss Who I Was
I miss who I was and had a meltdown lastnight.
I had a blow up w/ JD after a week and a half of holding something in. An incident occurred where we ran into someone I had gone to school w/ and this person was drunk and loud and we were in a quiet restaurant/bar and the drunk guy made it known who I was and how I had helped him pass school. This embarrassed JD and is the first time I saw a side of him I didn’t really like. His comment pissed me off and I stewed about it until lastnight.
It made me feel like I wasn’t suppose to have a past and I know so many people! Maynard and I were like the ‘power couple’ early in our marriage. We partied and spent alot of time w/ friends from many towns.
I have been missing the relationships I had w/ people from my past. Maynard was a possessive asshole, but I never felt like I was on a leash. I could come home after a night out w/ the girls and tell him about my adventure…even if it included some idiot trying to pick me up and my girlfriend whisking me away from someone who was a little wierd and telling me not to worry…she was armed that night. She was licensed to carry because of an ex who threatened her.
JD is a quiet person and enjoys spending time w/ me…which I should love, since Maynard went through times when he spent so little time w/ me. I do like doing stuff w/ JD, but there are only a couple friends that I still hang w/ and sometimes I want the whole picture. Being able to walk into a place and have people know me, even the drunks. I miss the casual conversations and catching up w/ people.
It’s good to get that off my chest. I also started wearing my old wedding ring again…on my pinky finger. It’s a pretty ring, why let it sit in a box?
I’m sure there will be more later, just empty in the head right now.
Thank God For All You Have and realize that is How It Is.
Myrtle
